Spiderman'ing Your Way Through Life

Have you ever stopped to wonder how your height affects your perception of how others view you, or how you view the world?

I am short. 5'0" to be exact, and so this is something I not only ponder, but battle with through the daily grind.  Some of you may know what I'm talking about, some of you might be secretly laughing. 

Do you ever find yourself in a grocery store trying to reach the last box of cereal on the top shelf, and because it's the last box it is also at the very back of the shelf?, Well when I first started shopping as an adult I would take this as a sign that I wasn't meant to purchase whatever item I couldn't reach. Unless I was fortunate enough to catch some taller shopper in the same aisle and ask for their assistance. Oftentimes I wouldn't ask, and that was because I realized I had accepted this stigma of being short. 

Somehow I didn't live up to some societal standard or conception. It took me quite awhile to stop accepting this view and embrace being short.

Since it is my birthday month I must explain how this was partly changed through a hip hop song when 50 cent popularized the slang term "shawty" in the song "In Da Club." I love the etymology of words and slang terms and looking at how they change through cultures and over the course of time. "Shawty" is the slang word for "shorty;" a term I am often called not only by my peers, but everyone. However when it is used as this slang term, it is used in an endearing way to describe an attractive female. So go ahead and call me shorty.

Okay, I admit it, it wasn't just this hip hop song released in 2003 that helped me to embrace my height.  It was all the times I struggled to do anything because of my height and overcame the challenge.  For instance, the cereal box I mentioned previously, once I learned to problem solve my way through these situations I gained a sense of empowerment.

So now when I find myself standing in a grocery store aisle unable to reach an item, I don't stop and look around for someone to assist me. I don't take it as a sign I'm not meant for this item today. I climb like Spidey and knock the cereal box to the edge with another box as I also climb across the lower shelves.

However I am not just empowered by my height at the grocery store. I've learned (maybe through my Spidey senses) to fully embrace my height. So much so, that when I am applying for a job and I come across the question that asks, "Is there anything that would impede you from doing this job?" I always respond that I am, "vertically challenged." This always seems to ease the tension and stuffiness of the interview, and it also grabs the interviewers' attention, as well as, provides an opportunity for me not only to be remembered,  but stand out.

It is all about perspective, every height has its' own challenge and vantage point. What is most important to note is that we all have an obligation to see each other and be aware of the words we use with each other that can cause stigmas and misconceptions.

So, have fun Spiderman'ing your way through life, but be sure to consider those around you whatever their height!

The Marsh - the smell of home

Right away the word marsh evokes a harsh, pungent thought.  Maybe as I grew up the smell was so awful that I found myself dreading it. And maybe, just maybe that is why I have given so much thought to this.  

I have a love-hate relationship with the marsh.  On early fall mornings, the smell is so pungent it wafts its' way further inland.  You arise and step outside with a coffee in hand on your way to work and feel encircled by it. Much like the stifling summer humidity that always seems to hit you like a wet towel. You know the feeling even after you've showered in the summer and you step out and its' so humid you already feel you need to step back in the shower.

This relationship that I have with the marsh is a conundrum.  You see at some point some teacher once asked me to write about my fears, particularly fears with death.  And per usual my fear always seems to be a little more thought out than others.  You see while I think the marsh is beautiful even with its' tenacious smell, I also fear it.

I would say it stems back to when I first began driving to Woodland Beach as a teen and getting my car stuck in the rising tide.  However, this fear began before that, I feel it was only further perpetuated by that moment.

My fear of dying isn't with death itself, it is dying with the smell of marsh being the last scent I ever smell. Furthermore, this fear is crippled with the idea that this would only occur by me somehow managing to find myself in a most precarious situation - my car sinking with me in the driver's seat and trapped into brackish marsh water.  I'd like to point out here that I've given so much thought to this that I've even researched having an emergency escape tool to break the window.

To add further to this fear - I think about the what if, if I don't escape and this is how I go...my body will bloat and become food for the bottom feeders, and someone will have to identify my body.  And the most important part of this is that the last smell I would have smelled is that diverse metabolic scent of nature twisted with salt air.

Now, I know that this is very dark and I've given way too much thought to it.  So on a lighter note and pushing my fear aside, let me share my love of the marsh.

Even with its' sulfurous rotten-egg smell caused by the billions of bacteria living in its' mud it is also necessary to mankind's survival.  The marsh serves as a carbon sink for our planet.  Just like our need for bees to pollinate plants, we also need marsh and swamp.  So I'll leave you with my words of love for the marsh.

With the buzzing of flies,

And the whisper of the birds wings 

as they fly overhead to swoop in

I listen to the gentle tapping of the grass reeds

as they dance in the slight breeze 

And as they are kissed with the moist humidity

and release that smell of hypoxia

I embrace you

With all of your stank putridness 

You are part of what reminds me of this place I call home.

"Hey Buzz, Lewis Carroll would have loved you" B-sides and infinite gladness

So I started this entry about six years ago, you see sometimes I just have thoughts that I need to pen down or even type out, but decide for different reasons that it isn't time.  This one, was personal, and it wasn't ready to be written, it needed time to brew and simmer.

Maybe I'm feeling the need for live music, and a concert, and because of Covid-19 that simply isn't happening. So I've turned to my album collection and began to reminisce about this love I have for music.  Haven't we all turned to music to help comfort us in this time of trouble?  So in thinking about times of trouble and words of wisdom, yes, you now have a Paul McCartney ear worm stuck in your head let's talk about B-sides?

B-sides? What is she talking about?  So way back in the day, music was recorded and sold on vinyl records (I know, vinyl is making a slight comeback, and b-sides were also on 45s).  Essentially record companies were looking for a way to profit more from a single, otherwise referred to as the A-side of an album. Songs selected for the A-side were those that were radio-friendly, climbing the charts, and originally intended as the single or album covers to be sold.  The B-sides were songs selected that were not originally intended for the album.  Today, these have become known or referred too often as bonus tracks.  For me, they are the hidden gems on the album.

I mean think about, how many of you actually still buy albums? I know that I am one of the few that still do.  (Yes, I still buy CDs, full albums). I do not purchase songs or tracks, I purchase the album.  Why?  Well because for me it is like the difference between buying one chapter of a book. You simply wouldn't read chapter 6, without reading the beginning or ending of a novel.  Albums are the same way.  Songs are written word with rhythm, rhyme, and a dope beat. Albums are carefully crafted, songs aren't just laid down with how they were written, but with a thought process.  You don't want to listen to the first half of an album with nothing but slow songs, you need a mixture and it has to be carefully selected.

Okay, so for argument's sake, let's start with a song that many of us are probably feeling right now.  "Revolution" by the Beatles was originally a B-side.  No matter what side of things you are on politically during this pandemic, many of us can agree with these lyrics,' You say you want a revolution, Well, you know, We all want to change the world, You tell me that it's evolution , Well, you know, We all want to change the world, But when you talk about destruction, Don't you know that you can count me out, Don't you know it's gonna be, All right, All right, All right..."  So you say your not a Beatles fan, what about the Stones, The Rolling Stones "You Can't Always Get What You Want".  I know some of us, might be singing this one to ourselves as we hit the grocery store right now looking for our preferred brand of toilet paper, "we just might have to get what we need".  

For real though, B-sides are songs of infinite gladness.  I grew up in the 80s and 90s, which is full of iconic music and when I think of B-sides, I think of ordering countless cassette tapes from Columbia Records, or running to Sam Goody to purchase the latest album of a favorite band.  I really miss wearing out cassette tapes from either overplaying the entire cassette or rewinding it to that song you just wanted to sing along to again and again.  If you grew up during this time, you know what it was like to keep a pencil nearby so you could fix the tape,  and you also know what it was like to have a CD skip in a car.   But one of my favorite things about this time was getting a mixed tape from a friend filled with B-sides.  So in honor of a B-side mixed tape, here you go...

1-Talk Show Host by Radiohead (*if you listen closely in Baz Luhrmann's Romeo & Juliet you will catch a bit of this song)

2- Starla by Smashing Pumpkins (*if you hated the Pumpkins, listen to the full 11 minutes of this one)

3- Now by Edie Brickell 

4- Half the World Away by Oasis 

5- Good Riddance by Green Day 

6- Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam

7- How Soon is Now by the Smiths

8- Another Journey by Train by the Cure

9- Bullet the Blue Sky by U2

10- Man Who Sold the World  by David Bowie

One Room School House

Octagonal "One Room" School House
Cowgills Corner Delaware-1836

So as some of you know I have been working hard the past year on my MAT (Master of Arts in Teaching) at Wesley College. As the summer comes to an end and we enter the fall season, I will be starting the student teaching portion of the program.  Many people have asked me, "Are you nervous?" The obvious reply is of course, I think everyone gets at least a little nervous before embarking on a new adventure in their grand journey in life. However, my excitement to learn trumps the nerves very quickly.  You see, I believe that we set up our own barriers in life, thanks to the help and education of my late father-in-law, Rod Bullock (and this stems from Larry Wilson's book, Play to Win), once we realize that barrier doesn't really exist, we can move forward and achieve what we thought was impossible.  I had been putting off enrolling in the MAT program for a few years, then one morning on my drive to work it hit me, what was I doing? Sure, I could continue to work as an assistant manager at the bookstore, but I knew I could make a stronger impact as an educator and the only thing keeping me from pursuing that career was me.  I wanted to take a moment and share with those who know what I have been working towards and those who didn't my thoughts as I take these final steps towards my certification to be an educator.

Octagonal School House
National Registry of Historic Places 1971

During the course of the MAT program, I have had the opportunity to really reflect on my own education over the years and consider what I learned from those experiences and really help me determine what I want to carry with me.  One of the things I realized is that I was very fortunate and had several teachers who allowed me to explore not only the subject they were teaching me, but also the world around me. This began with my kindergarten teacher, Ms. Jill Mears, her teaching had a profound impact on how I felt about school.  It is pretty ironic, because if you ask my mother what my first reaction to school was (and this would be after my first day, with Ms. Mears), she will tell you I came home and said, "I am never going back there, they don't know what they are talking about".  My mom convinced me to give it another try by telling me that if I didn't go that the authorities would come and take her away.  Needless to say this worked, and I was thankful (to still have my mother by my side and school).  The things that stick out in my mind that I learned that year were: I got to finger-paint with chocolate pudding (you can paint with more than a brush or painter's knife), learned shapes by creating animals (she had us take a bar of  Dove soap and wrap it in netting to resemble a fish and adorned it with sequins- ovals), she had us read to an alien (stuffed, of course) before we read to our principal, Mrs. Scott (this gave us confidence and taught us not to fear authority, our principal was someone who should be respected), we had guest musicians (I recall my friend, Meagan Reilly's dad coming in and playing the French horn), we had a mini in-class greenhouse where we watched plants grow and be nurtured daily, we went on two field trips (one to see trees be tapped to make maple syrup and one to Bombay Hook to discover nature first hand, I remember scooping tadpoles) and we re-enacted Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream.  And these were just the big highlights, I also remember loving to play kitchen/house, read the Mr./Mrs. books aka Mrs. Silly, Mrs. Chatterbox, etc. and of course, recess. Mind you all of this was back when there was only 1/2-day kindergarten, and yes, we did all of those things above and more!  Ms. Mears taught me then that learning was fun and creative, and school was a place I wanted to be.

I have had several other teachers along the way who helped me explore my world and made learning something that was not to fear.  So I must take a minute and thank a few of those now: Ms. Roth/Messer, Ms. Chadwick, Ms. Parks, Mr. Filichiccia, Ms. Meek, Ms. Surles, the late Mr. Everett, the late Ms. Carter, Mr. Shalk, Mr. Prillaman, Ms. Bonner and Mr. Shotzberger, as well as, so many of my college professors, particularly Dr. Mask, Professor Cisar, Dr. Laganella, Dr. Cooper and Dr. Clack (these particular professors helped push me further in their particular field to places I did not know I was capable of going). And I must not forget to mention the late principal, Mr. Dickerson, who made it a point to not only know every student's name but know every student.

 Now I must take a moment and talk about the one thing I realized I definitely want to try to encourage not only with my future students, but also my fellow educators.  When I reflected back on my education, I realized that along the way I had a few teachers, that were more than just teachers (this happened in college with almost every professor I had, but in high school was where I realized it had a larger impact).  Ms. Bonner and Mr. Shotzberger were teachers that became mentors, they guided you in your learning by showing they cared about you, which helped further build confidence in yourself.  Ms. Bonner taught me the power of writing, the two things I think of when I think of her journalism class: "the pen is mightier than the sword" and write "all the news that's fit to print".  She also helped me learn the importance of word choice and growing your vocabulary.  Mr. Shotzberger aka Shotz taught me so many things, but ultimately that there is more than one way to approach and solve a problem, but the key is to have a plan. And once complete it is important to evaluate the end result and ask yourself is there anything you could have done differently or that would work better?  How did he do this?  First of all, we started with thumbnail sketches, next we executed the project, then we did a self-evaluation, and then we allowed our peers to evaluate our work. These two teachers took the time to get to know you as a student, subtly they asked you what your goals were, where did you want to go in life and they began guiding you in those directions.  Both of these teachers knew I wanted to go to college, both knew I was capable, but both knew that financially this was not something I was going to do straight out of high school. (And I must mention something I think is vitally important here, neither of these teachers had this as a "college talk", the key word is this all occurred through subtle conversations).  They knew that I had a pen pal in Australia, they encouraged me to have an open-mind and explore the world, that school was always something that would be there waiting for me.  And guess what? They were right. Unlike most of my peers, I did not take the traditional route to college, I got a job in retail, saved my money and traveled. I went to Australia, and then, Australia again, with a side trip to London. Then I put myself through cosmetology school, worked in that industry for 7 years. While working in that industry, guess what, I started college.  I was a non-traditional college student, I started by taking a summer class, and in 5 years completed my undergraduate degree in Liberal Studies.   Proving my teachers were right, college would always be there, and I was capable!  This is what I want my future students to know, that there are endless opportunities, that you are capable (as long as you are willing to put in the effort and hard work) and that there is always something new to learn. 

The world is an amazing place to explore and discover yourself! I only hope that I can help my future students know that I can learn as much from them as they can from me. And I also want them to know the importance of thanking those who helped you get to where you are, so thank you to everyone!!!