Well motherhood is definitely a life-changing event to say the very least. As we all know, the journey of motherhood is unique to each and every birth of a child. For some of us, this means a natural childbirth, for others it can mean a plethora of unforeseen circumstances, leading to our child's birth journey in various ways...but all leading to a special bond, that connects us: mother and child. What unfolds from that moment of motherhood is the unleashing of a warrior. A warrior that is going to help her child with every transition as they evolve into adulthood and beyond.
One woman who has fully committed to and is embracing her warrior motherhood, is my friend from high school, Renee Toth Schlenner. Renee's journey of motherhood has been a very trying one, and one that has taken her in directions she would never have imagined. You see, I think it is safe to say that all first time moms go through a few adjustments and transitions, but not all of us are faced with children with exceptional circumstances (disabilities or onset illness that causes delayed development). Renee has digested, accepted and embraced this journey as a warrior.
Renee is also a blogger, (what can I say, I have friends who like to talk and write), her blog is entitled, Exceptional You (schlennerfamilyof4@blogspot.com) and it was her post, "IEP's, accommodations, oh my!" that grabbed my attention and said, hey, Renee deserves a shout out in the spotlight, and a big thank you for not only being a warrior mom, but a motivator, and also, for all her hard work and accomplishments with being an advocate for disability issues. So, grab a box of Kleenex, put on your big girl panties (for my men readers, your shit kickers), and be ready to join a "Box", read on, we will explain.
My Q & A with Renee: A Warrior Mom
Q- Your son, Hayden who is 5, has hypotonic cerebral palsy and your daughter, Julia is recovering from HHV-6 aka Roseola which caused post viral cerebellar ataxia. I know through reading your blog that this has been an emotional roller coaster, that you would not change for the world. Can you explain how you digested, accepted and adapted to these "exceptional" circumstances as a mom?
Renee- It took some time to digest our families circumstances. When I first learned of Hayden's delays as a first time mom I was devastated, I cried, I leaned on my husband, family and friends. It took some time for me to heal, to understand I did not do anything wrong to cause Hayden's delays. I think Julia's sickness was the hardest on me, it truly was scary. I had a beautiful baby girl meeting all of her milestones then one day she can't even lift her head. I was not prepared for the onset of illness causing set backs. All I knew was delays from the beginning and what to do, so this caught me off guard. However, after all the scary testing, spinal taps, CT scans, and MRIs I knew I needed to be strong for Julia. Immediately, when we were inn the hospital and I heard Julia would need some time to recover I was on the phone calling Easter Seals to start early intervention services. I guess for me I always think there are so many other families who have it harder than I do. I know we have circumstances out of the normal, but my children are healthy and happy so that keeps me going.
Q-Bruce Lee once said, "If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them", How do you think the exceptional circumstances both of your children have faced has changed your outlook on life?
Renee- My world is different now. I see things from a different perspective. I learned to slow down and appreciate the small things in life and celebrate the little things. We celebrate saying a three word sentence and waving. We know how much effort it takes to get up, stand and take assisted steps so we always make a huge deal about these little things. Outside of slowing down and celebrating the small things in life it has brought out this passion of advocacy and participation in the disability community. I enjoy travelling to D.C. to speak with our elected officials about disability issues. I have given public testimony and you can find me organizing disability events with Easter Seals or running/walking in events that support the disability community. I am conscious now when I go to stores or restaurants if they are disability friendly. I stop to help strangers, it just made me realize that there is so much more I can be doing. I try to be involved and help when I can.
Q- In your most recent blog you discuss the tribulations of IEP meetings and having to remain a strong advocate for Hayden. When I read how Hayden has fought to use his walker and how he was able to work towards a lighter weight walker, and now you were being told he would have to use a wheelchair, I felt the blow. I thought, Renee has watched him dream big and achieve remarkable milestones and this would be a set back. For me it was like telling a child who just learned to walk, "Okay now no more walking, now sit in this stroller"...it would be a complete reversal. Where did you find the strength to remain strong? Who motivates you besides your kids?
Renee- The wheelchair conversation was tough and it is something that I was not prepared to visit right now. While I do not think a wheelchair would take away his independence I do think it would take away everything we have worked on for five years. Hayden has fought every step and every therapy to get where he is today. As a mother, I was not going to let everything he has worked hard for be taken away. Hayden wants to walk and he wants to be like his friends. I want to support him in his choices and dreams. I knew saying no right now was the right choice. There may be a time we need to revisit this topic but for now I know in my heart that we needed to fight for his simple right to use his walker at school. My children and husband are my biggest motivators but outside of my family it is all the other children living with a disability. I think about their struggles and triumphs. That is what keeps me fighting and motivated.
Q- What advice or support groups would you give for moms and families just discovering their child has a disability?
Renee- My biggest advice is to tell any mom it is going to be okay. It is okay to be sad, mourn the child you dreamed of, cry and feel frustrated. However, all those feelings will pass in time. You need to surround yourself with family and friends that support you no matter what. You will lose some friends but you will gain some amazing people in your life. Support groups vary and depends on your child's disability. I definitely would encourage any new mom to participate in any association that is specific to your child's disability Downs, Cerebral Palsy, Autism, etc... to name a few. However, Hayden's diagnosis is blanket under hypotonic cerebral palsy, but truly he is still undiagnosed. The best thing that I did was participate in Partners in Policymaking which is a disability training program. It taught me what was available to our family and most of all it brought amazing people in my life. I was able to meet parents who have a child with a disability which I am now great friends with them. It is nice to have a group of friends that get it. So, that would definitely be one of the major recommendations to parents of children with disability. Join Partners in Policymaking and get to know your elected officials.
Q- You have explained in your blog, "Exceptional You" that crossfit has given you, "workouts that are challenging and push me to limits I did not imagine I could ever do". Describe why you initially tried Crossfit, and why you gave it a second chance?
Renee- I started my fitness journey Fall of 2012. I knew I needed to be a stronger and healthier mom for my children. My son, Hayden, is getting bigger and I needed to be able to care for him which includes lifting him. I initially started going to the YMCA and worked my way through a series of classes: Zumba, Yoga, Body Combat, Body Pump and Spin. I had some co-workers who were participating in Crossfit. I thought it sounded like what I was looking for so I decided to give it a try. I contacted the owners of my box (gym) to set up a trial class. I went to that first private session excited but left feeling out of shape. I felt a little queasy after my first work out. However, despite the feeling I decided to take my private on-ramp to see if I truly liked it. After that I was hooked. It is challenging both physically and mentally. I love that about Crossfit. I also love how welcoming everyone is and the encouragement from the coaches. It is exactly the atmosphere I need to keep going back. Honestly, one of the main reasons I decided to keep going is how I feel about myself afterwards. Its amazing the things you accomplish.
Q- For newbies to Crossfit, can you explain the "On-ramp" ?
Renee- On-ramp is an introductory course to Crossfit. The course can be done privately or in a group. I chose private because I was slightly intimidated about joining the group on ramp initially. During your on-ramp you learn appropriate technique, form and your box rules.
Q-How often do you train at your box? Where do you train? Can you explain what a box is for those unfamiliar with Crossfit?
Renee- I would love to say I go three times a week, that is my goal. Right now I am 1-2 days a week, if I am lucky. My schedule is so hectic, however the owners Coach M and Coach Jud are wonderful they encourage me and train me if I am regular. I train at Crossfit First State in Middletown, DE. A box is a Crossfit gym/facility.
Q- Greg Glassman, the founder of Crossfit describes in his quote of World Class Fitness in 100 words, "...mixing the elements in as many combinations and patterns as creativity will allow," do you think Crossfit provides you an outlet to think outside of the box and know that the only limits that truly exist are the ones we create ourselves?
Renee- Absolutely, Crossfit allows for me to focus on me and my fitness goals. I learned that it really is about mind over matter. There are many times I have mentally psyched myself out and for some reason I keep plugging along and trying.
Q- What is the most common response you get when you tell anyone you are doing Crossfit?
Renee-Ha ha, this is a great question. Most people respond, "you are crazy", "why would you put yourself through that sort of work out?", "oh you are one of those Crossfit cult people". I am often shocked at people's responses. I think people often fear the unknown and Crossfit is definitely unknown to many.
Q- Crossfit has been described as preparing you for the physical unknown and unknowable, can you explain how doing Crossfit will benefit you and your need to better care for your son?
Renee- Crossfit is helping me be a better mom and wife by making me physically and mentally stronger. When I get to go to my WODs I feel refreshed and proud of what I have done. I am also using this to build my strength so I will never struggle lifting or carrying my children.
Q- You have said that Hayden is obsessed with Crossfit and loves to wear his red Reebok shoes, how excited is he about joining you on his first 5K? Does he train with you?
Renee- Hayden has been asking to run with mommy. He is extremely excited to be participating in his first 5K. Hayden loves to perform his training at home. He crawls around fast saying he is running. He will jump on tall knees and push around a bar we have at home saying he is doing his Crossfit. Hayden's mobility is limited so he cannot run/walk a 5K with me quite yet, but I believe one day he will. So, for now his training is in a jogging stroller with me.
Q- How do you juggle your work, all the doctor appts., therapy sessions, Crossfit training and being a wife and mother?
Renee- I work from home primarily, in direct mail marketing for a large financial institution. I do go in to the office location physically 2-3 times a month, which I balance those days when my husband can work from home. Our family schedule is busy but I do not know any other way. If I was not constantly on the go, I would think something is wrong. Luckily, most of Julia's therapy is at home, we travel one day a week to A.I DuPont for swim therapy. Hayden also gets therapy in school which cuts down some of our time. Doctors appointments are every 3-6 months depending on which child. I try to schedule those in the morning or afternoon so I am not taking a full day off of work. When I go in the office I have family or friends that watch Julia for me since she cannot be in daycare right now. Hopefully, that will change one day however, that brings on another topic a daycare that understands special circumstances. My husband and I try to schedule date nights out every few months. That is important to us to have time for us to be a married couple. However, that is challenging as well because there are only a few people we trust to watch our children. It definitely is challenging, busy and I always don't have everything organized as I like, but I try very hard to manage it.
So now back to what Katie Yackley-Moore said at the beginning of this blog in regard to parenting, "....approach it with an open mind. One of the greatest things that my children have taught me is that life has other plans. Roll with it, baby". And after looking back at this Q & A with Renee, I think she has done just that, alongside being thankful for every milestone, no matter what the size. As mothers we need to lift each other up, motivate one another to carry on, show our children we do not give up.
I hope that this Q & A has given you inspiration to see the world from a greater perspective. And for those of you who have heard of Crossfit, but did not fully understand why anyone would want to physically prepare for the unknowable, I hope that it has seized your doubts, and allowed you to consider trying it. There is something truly gratifying about realizing your body's fullest potential. In the wise words of Socrates, "It's a shame for a woman to grow old without ever seeing the strength and beauty of which her body is capable of".
Special thanks to Renee and the Schlenner family for allowing me this opportunity to showcase such a warrior. If you would like to continue to follow Renee and her family check out her blog, Exceptional You (schlennerfamilyof4@blogspot.com).
Also thank you to Katie Yackley-Moore for allowing me to quote from her blog as well. If you would like to check out Katie's blog, go to www.thenakedmomma.com.
