Okay so when one attends a musical festival for three days there are some things that one needs to consider. This is my rant about the stupid shit I saw, the things I heard about afterwards, and some words of wisdom for all festival goers of the future. With that said, I had a wonderful time at the festival with moments that I will cherish the rest of my life. The reason for this post is to help future festival goers with some thoughtful tips and to always keep in mind that you are there for the music.
Brilliant Idea #1-When you find yourself stuck in traffic for over an hour, make that 2 1/2 hours, and you are amped up and ready to rock with your friends, be sure to take a moment and check your fuel gauge, as well as your oil and engine lights. If you do this, you will not find yourself looking a fool and having your friend go to the car dealership across the road, while stuck in horrific traffic to beg one of their technicians to bring a gas can filled with 5 gallons to refuel you, because you are on the last of your reserve tank! When a friendly girl from another vehicle next to you, rolls her window down and tells you that your car is overheating, please don't ignore her, even if you are trying to be cool because you have a super hottie accompanying you to this gig! Especially when your car has been making clunky, choking sounds for the last ten minutes, and steam is visibly billowing from your car's undercarriage (because having an opportunity to use the word undercarriage was simply irresistible..thank you Melissa McCarthy and Bridesmaids). Listen to this friendly, fellow festival goer and local, when she advises you to get into the right lane and turn off the road into a nearby parking lot. DO NOT ask her if you can leave your car there over night and make your way onto the festival...remember the hottie sitting next to you and think of her father, or older brother who will be holding your ass accountable for her safe return. (*Keep in mind this safe return is probably going to cost you an engine replacement at this point. Ballpark rough estimate for that $1000). So, before you make your way to the festival get your car in a safe area, make a few calls, get your car towed to a mechanic shop that can get a start on your car before you continue on to salvage the rest of your "fun" weekend.
Brilliant Idea#2-Before you leave home, whether you live locally, or from another state, make sure you stock up on water. Water is not just your number one source to stay hydrated, it also serves multiple other purposes. Here are a few purposes: water to brush your teeth (remember there is no running water in the portapotties near your campsite or in the ones in the festival grounds), whether you did not set aside enough cash to pay for your daily shower, you need more than one a day, or can't be bothered by the time slots- a water bottle can be your shower in need (and girls, if your momma did not have this talk with you...well listen to Salt N' Pepa "Let's talk about sex" and remember the importance of hygiene after sex), Medicinal uses- rinse off a cut, wound or blister (with days of walking around these things are bound to happen), if you have forgotten your water canteen an empty water bottle works great in its' place, you can also use a bottle of water to wash out your clothes and hang them to dry in your campsite.
Brilliant Idea#3-Review the information lists on the festival web page and app page. Pay attention to the recommended items: cash, sunscreen, bug spray, ponchos, blankets, empty, reusable water containers and non-professional cameras . Also be aware of what not to bring, again find this on the web and app sites for the festival. Nothing sucks more than having to throw away something you are not allowed to bring into the festival or having to make the long trek back to the parking lot or your campsite.
Brilliant Idea #4-Okay so I already slightly mentioned sex in a previous idea, so let's further address this issue. Guys wearing shirts with slogans that you are a couch and give lays for free or hugs or whatever, just makes you look like a douchebag. (I think this is the first time I have said this in my blog, but a word to the wise, if I use the word douchebag you have really made a "royal" impression on me). Do women a favor and come prepared to this festival with things that might help a girl out: bandaids, wet-ones, toilet paper, hand sanitizer, sunscreen, solarcaine/aloe vera, a poncho and a extra t-shirt. You see if you want to be chivalrous and really win a girls heart, there are some sweet gestures one can do...bandaids for blisters, wet-ones because we are OCD about hygiene, toilet paper because with the amount of people at an event like this...the roll sometimes runs out, hand sanitizer again, hygiene, sunscreen/solarcaine/aloe vera because being sunburnt sucks, a poncho if it rains and a tshirt is nice when it gets cold after the rain or at night. And this is for both guys and girls, be prepared, if you are planning on having sex, well even if you aren't, come prepared with condoms, there is always someone who is not prepared. And this is just coming from the voice of a momma, but think twice before having sex at a festival...with someone you just met.
Brilliant Idea#5-Just because something is in fashion, does not mean you need to wear it to a festival. Mom jean shorts, although more practical than some of the clothing I saw worn to the festival, are not cute, and they do not flatter anyone's figure, no matter what size you are...so please stop wearing them. Especially the ones with the front pockets hanging out below the shorts!!! And I have discussed this with both sexes and all agree, the high waist does nothing to accentuate the figure, nor do the pockets. It was agreed that the high waist often makes thin girls look like they have a kangaroo pouch and the way the back pockets fall, make even girls with a booty shaker look flat. Be practical and be comfortable. And if you want to rock some cool 80s fashion, look to the women who were rocking the music scene then. *And by the way, it is not fashionable to wash your hair in the sinks of the local shopping mall or for that matter, sleep on the benches in the shopping mall. If you need an air conditioned space, make sure you plan ahead and reserve a room at a hotel.
Brilliant Idea#6-This goes along with #5, but needs to be separate. You are going to a festival in a field, for 3 days, that covers over 250 acres, please wear comfortable shoes. DO NOT wear brand new cute little sandals, flip flops, or shoes with little to no support. You are begging for a disaster, and I am not talking simple blisters. I can't tell you how many girls needed medical attention because of poor choice of shoes (leg braces, twisted ankles, bruising/swelling of ankles etc..). What I recommend is a good pair of sneakers and extra socks. If you are like me, you don't like having your feet bound in shoes all day, so put your flip flops in your shoulder bag or back pack and switch them out during a moment in the day that you are going to sit on a blanket and relax to the sounds of a band (then switch back with a fresh pair of socks). *Also look back at the weather pattern for the few weeks prior to the festival, if there has been lots of rain, you will want rainboots. (As many festival goers quickly realized the mulch covered areas that you had to trek over were much like walking through the bog of eternal stench in the Labyrinth...just think of marsh mud mixed with cow manure..yeah it smelled that good!)
Brilliant Idea#7-Respect the Medical Responders, Security and Staff at the festival. These people are there to help you in case of an emergency or with general information. If they ask you to move out of the way, please do not yell at them or get in their way, you could be preventing them from treating someone in need (which could also mean saving someone's life). And no they do not work for the CIA, they are yelling at you because you are a jerk who won't move out of the way! And yes, they take their job seriously! *And I must mention this one more time, please, please wear proper shoes, you would not believe how much the medical responders were bombarded by the issues that this caused. * And instead of being a jerk an not getting out of the way...just thank them for doing their job and step aside. Thank you to all the responders and police that staffed this year's Firefly festival!
Brilliant Idea#8-If you decide that going to a festival is the time for you to experiment with drugs, you may want to designate a person to stick close by you that remains drug free. I say this, because I have had my share of brushing and groping, but this year I experienced a unique individual who really was in a bad way. I will refer to this girl as Pam, because she called me several different names, one of which was Pam's friend. I was right main stage thoroughly enjoying my night with Red Hot Chili Peppers, Kiedis had just asked Flea to slap him and the crowd was having a blast. When "Pam" approached me started going on about how the cops were questioning her boyfriend, and he was F'd up and what should she do, because she was on drugs. Yeah, bright, brilliant, you just tell a random person you are on drugs. Well, being the whip snapping square that I can be, yes, even at a super hip concert...I say to "Pam", "Are you serious, I think you need to back away from me, what are you thinking telling someone you are on drugs, you don't know?" Her reply, "Oh, are you a cop?" She then continued to grope, chat up, and just be royally annoying. At one point, she told my father-in-law that her and her friends had no more ice for their cooler, and "it was gonna get NASSSSTY!" Yeah this girl was priceless, but memorable in that she interrupted RHCP. I was tempted from the first encounter with this girl to grab the security guard on the fence, but I thought, its the first night, she is young, this will all catch up with her tomorrow morning. Leave it be. Then she groped me, and that was it, I told her to back the fuck off and stop touching me, I don't know her, I never met her, I am not her friend's friend from UD, just go chill out somewhere. That somewhere was off of me, but not far enough away as she then tried to grope another girl near me, whose boyfriend had tell her, "I'm sorry she is with me, back off". Whatever drugs she was doing finally took her tripping somewhere else, thank goodness! And I am not naïve to think that no one does drugs at a concert, but stick with your friends you are doing them with, have a plan if you get caught...and whatever you do stay out of other people's personal spaces (I know you can't contain skunks...I am talking about touching people and hanging on them).
Brilliant Idea #9- Okay, so I know I said earlier the importance of staying hydrated, but do not use your water bottle a your own personal portapotty. We all know how long you have to wait to get that awesome spot where you hope to catch a drip of sweat from the singer, or the joys of touching the guitarist bum while they crowd surf, but it is not worth getting you escorted out of said area and arrested as the first song starts. We witnessed this happen to a group of guys and it was rather unfortunate, watching them get told that there were plenty of portapotties. This is not a call you want to make to mom and dad, don't do it!
Brilliant Idea #10- This is a three day festival...so remember you have to rehydrate and refuel...take time to drink water and eat. And just a quick tip on choosing places to eat...you may want to avoid some of the heavily fried foods the first two days...remember portapotties! Yeah so I would try to steer clear of the corn dogs, fried chicken and fries. If you are camping make sure you bring some items that don't need to keep in a cooler the entire weekend.
Okay so there is the beginning of my rant of brilliant ideas...feel free to leave yours in the comments.
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