Summer “Schooling”

So every year as the school year comes to an end, many of us find ourselves counting down until summer break, but have you ever caught yourself complaining?  Now there are several things we might find ourselves complaining about, for instance, “Why is it that as soon as summer break hits my kids have no problem waking up at the crack of dawn?” Or, how about your teacher friend saying, “I really am thankful the school year is over, but I need routine!” As a teacher as I started my first day of summer break, I decided that it was going to start with routine. And that this routine was going to maximize my son waking at the “crack of dawn.” So I was bound and determined to start of my summer break doing something that I longed to do, something that I needed to do, and something my son would benefit from, and that was starting our day with a walk in nature.

Now you might ask why?  Why was walking in nature so important?  Well for starters I wouldn’t be writing this right now, my walk from this morning brought fresh ideas to my head and I needed to pen them down.  So here I am sharing what I think is so vital to educators, teachers, and parents.   Some may think this is just for parents, but those are not the only ones that are affected by this.  You see on my walk this morning, I quickly realized as a teacher and a mother that summer is not a break for us to stop learning.  Believe it or not, my six-year-old son shared with me his thoughts about the book, The Giving Tree.  We were near the end of our walk at the time this conversation started, but he said to me, “Mom, that story isn’t real, that tree it doesn’t exist does it?” And I responded, “Well, it is a story, so it is fake, it is to help teach us a lesson about nature and life”. He said, “Yes, but mom it isn’t real, it didn’t happen”.  I explained to him, that it is fiction, and he said, “But fiction is real, and it’s not.” And I replied, “Fiction is fake, non-fiction is real”.  And it was at that moment that I realized just how amazing this walk had been not only for me, but also for him.  Here I am a 10^th grade English Language Arts teacher, who teaches the differences between fiction and non-fiction all year long.  And yet, here my six-year-old son is having this philosophical conversation about these differences with Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree.  Now, some of you might be thinking, but you are an English teacher of course you will talk to your child like this.  And I must say that as a teacher and parent, we long to be able to talk to our kids this way, but the reality is that the opportunity has to arise.  How can such an opportunity arise if nothing is there to engage it?  And hence, this is why we must rethink and redefine our summer break to summer “schooling”.  We must not let our children have a break from learning.

You see it came to me during this walk, that we must break the stigma that we have tied to “summer school”.  By creating this stigma that “summer school” is a bad thing, we have also taught them that summer is a “break” from learning.  Now some of you are saying, but they need the break and they still get socialized learning.  And I would agree with you; however, children must also see summer as “schooling”.  What I mean by this is that there is just as much for children to learn in the summer as there is throughout the traditional school year.  I decided months ago that my son was not getting the summer off from school.  And I have taken some heat from others about it.  What do I say in my defense, “That he needs to continue to practice what he has learned, so that he doesn’t revert at all”.  However, I realized this morning, that it is not simply maintaining the skills he has learned, but also continuing his education.

Truthfully, this discovery did not just occur out of the blue on this first morning walk of the summer with my son.  I had actually been thinking about this for some time, I knew I needed to map out a routine for summer.  I remembered how helpful nature walks were in the past, they allowed me time to clear my head, sort my thoughts, and the most beneficial part to them was how much inspiration they gave me.  Ah-ha! Yes, you see the reason I am writing this now, is because it was all inspired by my walk this morning.  As several teachers gathered together on the last day to celebrate another year in the books, some of us talked about going on hikes a few times a week.  And I thought to myself, why wait to do it just a few times, this needs to be a daily routine.  And I know some of you are already thinking, but it is so hot in the summer and I hate being hot.  Okay, but remember you must be the example to your student and that means even as a parent, your child is also your student!

The walk we took this morning was 2 miles or two loops. Throughout the walk I explained to my son that we would walk the two loops and afterwards he could play in the playground at the park.  I kept reminding him that in order to “Play hard” we must “work hard”.  So if we were able to make our two laps then he could play in the playground.  Now, here is the teacher as parent part, when you promise your child something, be sure to remind him of the limits.  So, as we finished the last loop, I said, “Okay, now we can go to the playground, but before we enter, remember that you only have 15 minutes, so when we enter the playground I will check the time and count down from there”.  So as my son played and played, I kept checking in with him reminding him you have ten minutes, 7 minutes, 3 minutes.  And some of you may ask, why is she sharing this, well it is always important to establish rules and keep to them.  It is also critical to check in with children and give them reminders. You might be really surprised to discover you will have less meltdown.

So I hope you enjoy your summer and all the discoveries you will encounter along the way!

Secrets of a Wise Momma

So every momma (and poppa) out there knows what it is like to have one of "those" days, where your child gets so fixated on wanting or doing something that you are ready to lose your mind.  I was having one of those days this past weekend, when my son decided he wanted to be outside.  And since he can now reach the deadbolt lock and knows how to operate it we are challenged throughout the day, with trying to keep him inside. He is too young to understand that going outside on his own, is just not safe.  However, he has adapted the official "shoe police" badge.  This is in part because one of our methods to prevent him from , slow him down in his attempts to go outside, was to remind him he must have his shoes on. Beware: he will say to you if he catches you without them, "Shoes, go?", with his hands up in the air.

This past weekend he was challenging not only me, but also his dad.  He had already attempted to make a mad dash outside at least seven times.  I know that my husband, Kyle had to bring him back in 3x in less than 10 minutes.  So, when Kyle had something he needed to work on, and I was left alone to manage the escape artist, I was beginning to wonder if I was going lose this battle, when I recalled something completely ingenious.

You see, just prior to Christmas, my dear friend, Emma (who lives in Australia) and I were talking about children being on Christmas overload.  Basically, what we were discussing was the fact that children can only handle so much, but both of us were concerned with all the presents our kids would be receiving, not just from us, but from extended family and friends.  As a mom, I have always tried to encourage anyone when they ask me about presents for my son, that they keep them very minimal.  Especially because of his age, he really does not fully comprehend holidays and gift giving times.  I try to emphasize that whatever you start from day one, remember that as the child grows, they are going to expect this to continue.  Hence, keeping things minimal, and why we encourage clothes and educational items: games, coloring books and puzzles, and less focus on toys.  However, even keeping things minimal it is still hard not to cause overload.  Kyle and I noticed this with our son, on Christmas morning.  We had given him a few presents, one big present and a few small ones.  We both realized that as he got to about the seventh package (mind you these were puzzles, books and a few toy cars), he began to get cranky.  And not the full on cranky, the irritable, I am overstimulated cranky.  And it was then, that I decided I was going to heed my friend, Emma's advice.  Mind you, Emma is a momma of four beautiful children.  Her advice through our discussion about Christmas overload, was to carefully stash away a few of the presents that he receives on Christmas and save them for a rainy day a few months down the road. 

So I did.  A few months after Christmas, I went through my son's things and decided to put a few of the presents I had stashed away out in exchange for some that he had outgrown.  I figured this would help him through those rougher months of winter, when he couldn't always go outside to play. I still had kept some away, because I knew the summer months were going to be more challenging.  And boy, am I glad I did!  So this past weekend, when I was wrangling in my son, a light bulb went off in my head, and I said to him, "Come upstairs with mommy, I have some presents for you."  I quickly pulled out this awesome Lego set and Curious George lunchbox that his Aunt Rachel and family had given him at Christmas.  And his mind, was diverted from wanting to go outside, to intently playing with the fire truck and dog.  And I made sure to remind him, that this was a special gift from Aunt Rachel (and family).

Some of you may be wondering how I decided what toys to store away.  It was simple really, I just looked at what had actually been opened (meaning opened beyond wrapping paper and actually touched).  I made a box and just piled a bunch of presents in it that had not been "opened".  The Lego set was one I debated about, because I knew he would love it, but thought, he will appreciate it just as much even if he gets to play with it a few months from now.  I was so thankful for listening to my friend's advice, it truly was a saving grace this past weekend!

Juggling Hats and Avoiding Survival Mode

     Feel like you are in survival mode all the time?   When you become a parent you are given so many words of wisdom and advice, but you may still find yourself in survival mode. You know the mode where you feel warn down, but you keep doing the things that "must" get done "right now", and can't keep yourself from fretting over what "must" be done next.  Well, stop.  Listen to your body, it is giving you signals.  Are craving "you" time? This is a good indicator that you are either entering survival mode or living in it all the time.  Here are a few random tidbits to help you get out of parenting in survival mode. Feel free after reading to share any tidbits you have in a comment.
  
     Becoming a parent is one of the most rewarding experiences in life, as many of you already know.  Whether you are a biological parent or not, nurturing this little being and helping it to understand and embrace the world, is truly a remarkable experience.  With that said, you the parent also need nurturing, to be able to have the energy to accomplish such a tremendous feat. Babies, toddlers, children and teenagers are draining and you must make sure to take time to refuel yourself.

     You may think you never have enough time in the day, when can I refuel myself? Whether you are a working parent or stay at home parent, time is always an issue.  Having a clean house, the dishes cleaned and put away, the laundry caught up, the bills written out, email caught up, the grass mowed, the sink fixed, etc...these are all things that can consume our time.  However, we must not let ourselves get so busy trying to keep up with all these items, that we forget to take care of ourselves.

     With that said, I know that the thought of money will rear its' ugly head. The truth is though you do not need money to make time for yourself.  Time for yourself can be simply locking yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes (having 5 minutes of your own thoughts), or even a 5 minute uninterrupted shower. Sometimes it may not be time completely alone to yourself, you may have to share the space...for instance grabbing the kids and the stroller and going for a walk.  Getting outdoors is a great way to clear your mind, think about who you are, where you are going and where you want to go. Getting the kid(s) outdoors is also a good way to get some fresh air, and a new view on the world around them. Ah, be rejuvenated!

   Now some of you, are like come on, I need more than that, and yes, I agree at times we do need more.  In those cases you must learn to "ask" for help.  This is something that does not come easy, as we often feel guilty for not being able to do it all, or are made to feel guilty by those mom martyrs. Yes, you know the ones I speak of, the ones who are all, I do this, that, and work full-time, and yeah OK, sure you do, but in the end someone is suffering (hint...it maybe you who is suffering...or even worse your children). Let's be honest, we can't do it all, we can try and do our best, but juggling all these hats is not easy, and from time to time, we do need help.  So learn to "ask". This might mean, you have a friend, sister, your mom, or mother-in-law come in and babysit your kid(s) so you can get your hair cut, or a 30 minute work out in at the gym. But be sure, when you ask any of these individuals to help you out, that you thank them. 

    The "big" adjustment: making time for you is important, and it also coincides with making time for your partner.  When you have a child, your couple time is often interrupted, by constant needs of this little being and you must remember to nurture your relationship.  This means setting aside date nights, whenever you can fit them in.  I suggest renting a movie and ordering take out versus going out to the movies, because you can't talk in the theater and you can always stop a rented movie. Remember how important "pillow talk" is, *wink*, *wink* you know what I am implying here.   And don't forget to show your affection for each other in front of your children (it is important for them to know that you love each other). And again, if you are finding it hard to get couple time, remember these are times to ask for help too.  It might mean asking someone to watch your kids while you both go and get the dreaded chore of grocery shopping done together. But if you plan, make a good list, stick to it, split the list, you may have an extra 15 minutes where you can grab a cup of coffee or go for a walk together.  I know it may not seem like much, but those 15 minutes can be vitally important to you staying connected. And remember to say I love you, whether in a text at a random point in the day, like when your toddler is having a tantrum and you are ready to pull your hair out, or in a little note that you send with your partner's lunch. Oh, and don't forget it is never to old to make a mixed tape...now you just have to make a mixed cd, or mixed playlist of "your" songs.

     So the next time you are feeling overwhelmed, remember to take a time out, for yourself, even if it is at the end of the day.  Remember your house does not have to look spotless clean all the time. I am not saying ignore it all together, but pick a day to do the deep cleaning. Remind yourself that some of that stuff will be there in the morning, it isn't going anywhere. Also, when your child is nudging you to sit down and play with them, watch a show with them, or just talk...stop what you are doing and embrace this moment. I know it may not seem like it, but this is a "you" time too, it is a time that you share "you" with your child. It is a priceless moment, something they will keep with them forever, and you will learn from, yes they are teaching and nurturing you too!!! Lastly, remember that you can always make more money, but you cannot always get those moments back.

***Many thanks to all who have helped me along the way...especially my mom and my mother-in-law!!!***