Okay so I admit I'm not a writer for SNL and realistically probably never will be, but a girl can always dream right? And why not dream big?
Some people listen to music and have a groove session, and yeah sometimes I throw on a old skool cd, like Hole and belt out, "And the sky was made of amethyst and all the stars were just like little fish". (And then I hate myself for a minute, because I realize I am singing along to the woman I believe is at least partly responsible for the death of hero, Kurt Cobain). I realize I have a shit voice, which I have accepted. I still sing anyway, because a wise uncle told me (Thomas Callahan), it is good for the soul. But then there are those times where my dreams collide it occurs when the music ignites my writing soul. That is when I whip up these antics and dream up surreal SNL skits-that make my soul burn with laughter.
Recently I shared one on my Facebook page, which was brought on by Beastie Boys "Boomin' Granny". Most people know Beastie Boys for their more popular songs like "Brass Monkey" and "Fight for Your Right". Beastie Boys were amazing- in one word their success screams- IRONY. I mean thinking back on it, who would have ever paired these New York Jewish rappers on Madonna's "Like a Virgin Tour"? Yeah, that is one of those silly facts I know...and yes, yes they did open for Madonna. And I say, "were" amazing, because sadly, Adam Yauch aka MCA, passed away in 2012.
Now speaking of Jewish rappers, Andy Samberg brought to SNL some witty and amazing raps on SNL digital shorts. So when I am listening to "Boomin' Granny" on my way into work and thinking about how awesome the upcoming SNL is going to be because Jimmy Fallon is hosting and Justin Timberlake is the musical guest, I can't help but envision them doing this skit of "Boomin' Granny" with special guest, Betty White as the granny (for so many reasons, and if you have seen her host SNL you know one of them) and bringing on, Andy Samberg, Fallon and Timberlake as the Beastie Boys. There would be so much "good n' plenty" I think I seriously would have peed my big girl panties.
Now with that story explained I must now explain my most recently invented skit after watching 47 Ronin. First of all I must explain that I don't know what kind of contract Keanu Reeves' manager/agent was able to secure for him for this film, because well let's just say his character is a completely Disney-fied made up piece of bullshit to the original Ronin story. Anyway I admit when my husband showed interest in seeing this film I was a little apprehensive, but I'm drawn to stories of Asian cultures (I'm known to watch obscure Korean, Japanese and Chinese movies with subtitles, including Monkey-just imagine an Asian version of Xena, but about a boy named Monkey). I watched the trailers and thought okay, it might not be that bad, and I am warning you now, do not be tricked as I was...the cinematography and special effects are brilliant, but the story falls short.
Now I won't spoil the film or the story, just say that as you can imagine this story is filled with fight scenes, one of which includes a character who is a little on the chubby side having a death scene and Reeves' character sitting by his bedside. The chubby character tells Kai (Reeves), who is an outcast of the village and lives in a hut that he is sorry for throwing stones at his head when they were children. And Kai in a serious tone replies, "I always knew it was you, I could see your belly sticking out from the tree". Now what is funny is that this is not just out of place humor in the film, but that it became quite obvious to me that Reeves' training for this film seemed to be drinking beer and was a little chubby himself. Now I am not one to poke fun at weight, as I have always struggled with my own weight, however, if you are going to create a blockbuster film, you need your star actor to look the part. Reeves did not look fit at all for this film. I'm just saying it is like the difference between Christian Bale and Michael Keaton playing Batman...do you get my meaning?
So when the film ended and we were discussing our thoughts on the film, I shared how ridiculous I thought that part was...and said seriously I could so see this being a commercial trailer on SNL. I could see Kenan Thompson playing the chubby character dying and a guest host, maybe even Reeves himself, play Kai. But having the dying character reply why he wasn't cast for his role as Kai. It is seriously like when Mark Wahlberg delivers a line in a film, that if anyone else said it, it would just sound completely disjointed and wrong, but because Wahlberg says it, it comes across badass.
I know this blog is all over the place, but to understand how I get to these SNL skits, you have to have some back story here and there. And yes, if you are wondering I have submitted skits in the past to SNL via email. If any of you remember the T-Mobile commercial a few Christmases ago promoting 4G with a bunch of elves and found yourself doing a double take of the television to clarify that you didn't just hear little elves on your TV saying "Orgy" you were not alone. I wrote to SNL saying I could totally see them creating an SNL commercial, like the Fifty Shades of Grey one they did for Amazon. And I also wrote them a skit about having Kenan Thompson playing CeeLo Green on the Voice and just poking fun at the fact that CeeLo had a parrot on his shoulder and was always rubbing his white socks on the chair legs and never wearing shoes. Now I will say they may not of done the skit as I wrote it in, but that was the SNL episode where Melissa McCarthy hosted and plays a contestant on the Voice and Thompson comes on stage as Cee Lo to talk to McCarthy about getting their parrots and getting out of there. So I will keep dreaming, submitting and laughing out loud along the way!!!
