Feel like you are in survival mode all the time? When you become a parent you are given so many words of wisdom and advice, but you may still find yourself in survival mode. You know the mode where you feel warn down, but you keep doing the things that "must" get done "right now", and can't keep yourself from fretting over what "must" be done next. Well, stop. Listen to your body, it is giving you signals. Are craving "you" time? This is a good indicator that you are either entering survival mode or living in it all the time. Here are a few random tidbits to help you get out of parenting in survival mode. Feel free after reading to share any tidbits you have in a comment.
Becoming a parent is one of the most rewarding experiences in life, as many of you already know. Whether you are a biological parent or not, nurturing this little being and helping it to understand and embrace the world, is truly a remarkable experience. With that said, you the parent also need nurturing, to be able to have the energy to accomplish such a tremendous feat. Babies, toddlers, children and teenagers are draining and you must make sure to take time to refuel yourself.
You may think you never have enough time in the day, when can I refuel myself? Whether you are a working parent or stay at home parent, time is always an issue. Having a clean house, the dishes cleaned and put away, the laundry caught up, the bills written out, email caught up, the grass mowed, the sink fixed, etc...these are all things that can consume our time. However, we must not let ourselves get so busy trying to keep up with all these items, that we forget to take care of ourselves.
With that said, I know that the thought of money will rear its' ugly head. The truth is though you do not need money to make time for yourself. Time for yourself can be simply locking yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes (having 5 minutes of your own thoughts), or even a 5 minute uninterrupted shower. Sometimes it may not be time completely alone to yourself, you may have to share the space...for instance grabbing the kids and the stroller and going for a walk. Getting outdoors is a great way to clear your mind, think about who you are, where you are going and where you want to go. Getting the kid(s) outdoors is also a good way to get some fresh air, and a new view on the world around them. Ah, be rejuvenated!
Now some of you, are like come on, I need more than that, and yes, I agree at times we do need more. In those cases you must learn to "ask" for help. This is something that does not come easy, as we often feel guilty for not being able to do it all, or are made to feel guilty by those mom martyrs. Yes, you know the ones I speak of, the ones who are all, I do this, that, and work full-time, and yeah OK, sure you do, but in the end someone is suffering (hint...it maybe you who is suffering...or even worse your children). Let's be honest, we can't do it all, we can try and do our best, but juggling all these hats is not easy, and from time to time, we do need help. So learn to "ask". This might mean, you have a friend, sister, your mom, or mother-in-law come in and babysit your kid(s) so you can get your hair cut, or a 30 minute work out in at the gym. But be sure, when you ask any of these individuals to help you out, that you thank them.
The "big" adjustment: making time for you is important, and it also coincides with making time for your partner. When you have a child, your couple time is often interrupted, by constant needs of this little being and you must remember to nurture your relationship. This means setting aside date nights, whenever you can fit them in. I suggest renting a movie and ordering take out versus going out to the movies, because you can't talk in the theater and you can always stop a rented movie. Remember how important "pillow talk" is, *wink*, *wink* you know what I am implying here. And don't forget to show your affection for each other in front of your children (it is important for them to know that you love each other). And again, if you are finding it hard to get couple time, remember these are times to ask for help too. It might mean asking someone to watch your kids while you both go and get the dreaded chore of grocery shopping done together. But if you plan, make a good list, stick to it, split the list, you may have an extra 15 minutes where you can grab a cup of coffee or go for a walk together. I know it may not seem like much, but those 15 minutes can be vitally important to you staying connected. And remember to say I love you, whether in a text at a random point in the day, like when your toddler is having a tantrum and you are ready to pull your hair out, or in a little note that you send with your partner's lunch. Oh, and don't forget it is never to old to make a mixed tape...now you just have to make a mixed cd, or mixed playlist of "your" songs.
So the next time you are feeling overwhelmed, remember to take a time out, for yourself, even if it is at the end of the day. Remember your house does not have to look spotless clean all the time. I am not saying ignore it all together, but pick a day to do the deep cleaning. Remind yourself that some of that stuff will be there in the morning, it isn't going anywhere. Also, when your child is nudging you to sit down and play with them, watch a show with them, or just talk...stop what you are doing and embrace this moment. I know it may not seem like it, but this is a "you" time too, it is a time that you share "you" with your child. It is a priceless moment, something they will keep with them forever, and you will learn from, yes they are teaching and nurturing you too!!! Lastly, remember that you can always make more money, but you cannot always get those moments back.
***Many thanks to all who have helped me along the way...especially my mom and my mother-in-law!!!***
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