The Main Ingredient of a Grocery List:

So there we were, my aunt and me, drained from a day of heat and tired from cleaning several homes, and in need of some serious rejuvenation. My aunt and I had found ourselves in this predicament more than on one occasion, but it was rare for us to take a moment and treat ourselves. This day was different, it was the end of July and at the height of blackberry season. And we simply could not pass up the opportunity to stop by the elderly couple's home that we had discovered the year before. We were not sure if the elderly couple would still be working their blackberry farm, but indeed, they surely were and we were in need of blackberries.

Now stopping to pick blackberries may seem to some like more tireless work, but not at this farm. Stopping to get blackberries here, was a treat for my aunt and I, and the elderly couple always refused to let us pick our blackberries alone. They always came out and helped us pick several quarts and chatted with us. This day was no exception. The only difference on this day was that the elderly gentleman picked blackberries on the other end of farm, while his wife stayed with us. He must have known that she had something to share with us, and he knew how special it was for her to tell us alone. So we grabbed our quarts and she began chatting, and then she turned to us and said, "Well I have a joke to tell, (and then she turned to me) well honey, oh your ears are a little young for me to be telling this to, oh well, I am gonna tell it anyway".

And she begins, "Okay so there is this woman at the grocery store and she is grabbing her head, and then her ears, and then grabbing her breasts...and then she stops, and then she goes through all the motions again. And the clerk comes up to her and asks her, 'Excuse me, Ma'am, but are you okay?' And she replies, "Why yes, I am just trying to remember my grocery list, now lets see, I needed a head of lettuce (and she taps her head), two ears of corn (and she grabs her ears), two jugs of milk (and she grabs her breasts), and ....a bottle of F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C (and she takes her hand and glides it down to her vagina).

Well you can only imagine that my aunt and I just totally lose it, and we just crack up laughing. We had to control ourselves though, because we still had to pick our blackberries. However, we did laugh uncontrollably all the way home and have continued to laugh about this incident for years. It was truly a relief to a long, hot day of cleaning, and she and I will never forget that kind elderly woman sliding her hand down her crotch and saying, "...a bottle of F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C!"